THE 19TH PERSON

Hello to my few readers;

I just felt like sharing something I found on the web. I'd downloaded all their suggestions for helping me overcome something that has been bothering me all my adult life... and probably as a child as well. Figured it was about time... so, Googled this following website for DEALING WITH IMPATIENCE.

http://lifelearningtoday.com/2007/08/17/impatience-release-your-grip/

*I had sent a poem the other day, and in it I wrote of a Force Field.

Here is where I got it in the part of the article where they dealt with impatience with adults:

"Force Field. This may sound kooky, but I can tell you from firsthand experience dealing with some very difficult people, that this works. Here’s what you do: Imagine that you have a force field around you that shields you from negativity. We don’t have to absorb negativity. We don’t have to lock in and hook into it. Simply watch it, observe it like a balloon floating by. Just remember, don’t grab the string of that balloon!"

Almost as soon as I had printed the whole article and studied it, I found another use for the force field. I ran into one of those people that everyone bumps into, and if they're like me, we just feel bad about it. This person acted like she just really didn't like me. It's a known fact in therapy circles that if you have a group of acquaintances polled and out of 19, everyone who is asked if they like you, 18 reply that "Oh, yes, we love her", the one we will probably remember most and be most affected by is the 19th one... the one that said, "No, I can't stand her."

This day in which I met my 19th, was about a day after I'd read about the force field. I'd even talked about it with a lunch group with whom Tom and I meet with now every week up at the Stables in Montrose... probably about 12-14 people who I feel like me. Also I'd delivered Home Delivered Meals to 9 places where a few had a caretaker as well present... people whom I felt LIKED me.

After lunch I ran an errand and bumped into that "19th" person, and because of her attitude, became almost obsessive about trying to figure out why she reacted differently than just about everyone I had related to that day. I rationalized that "everyone doesn't have to like me." I thought I was okay about it, but the next morning in a slumber-sleep, I found myself dialogging with myself. I heard someone complimenting me and was downplaying it... like, "Am I really a good person?" and then along came the stumbling block... Number 19. I began to argue with whomever in my dream as to why this person would dislike me. And I realized that it was more than "impatience" in my life with which I needed to deal with. I have to accept those with whom I feel a vibe of negativity without feeling I have to somehow change their mind. It came to mind George Constanza's obsession with a woman who didn't like him with whom Jerry was seeing in one of the episodes of that TV show. He ignored everyone else in his life in trying to get this woman to like him. He could not stand the fact that someone didn't find him appealing in any way. So much energy was lost on a passion of trying to get the one person who dislike him to change her mind. It came to his exclaiming to Jerry, "I think I love her, Jerry!" We, the watchers, knew that it could not be so, but the obsession is a bit like a love obsession where one has a crush... only this crush is crushing the soul of the one obsessed. Meanwhile, the one who can't stand George... and in this case, "Me," goes on with her life per usual, not even thinking a second thing about it... unless it's "Boy, what a loser..."

So, today, folks, I am instilling that Force Field not so much with difficult people who annoy me... as few really do. It will be instilled from no on to shield me from the negativity that vibes from someone who just doesn't like me. And I'll be done with expending the little energy I have for such things on someone who not only does not deserve it, but really doesn't want me to expend even a smile from my lips.

The next suggestion in that article is the following:
"Avoidance. If you can, stay away or spend as little time as possible with negative people. When conflict arises with a difficult person, have a goal of moving forward as opposed to a goal of 'winning.'”

If George Constanza was a real person and a friend of mine, I would send this to him as well.

Just thought you guys would be interested. Thanks for all of your positive vibes. Love ya, Mary Jo

The Poem about the force field:

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE STOCK MARKET
I DON'T UNDERSTAND ETRADE

I DON'T UNDERSTAND OBAMA'S HEALTH PLAN
AND I'M SECRETLY ON A TIRADE

I WENT TO A SITE WITH A SUGGESTION
TO KEEP AWAY NEGATIVE NEWS

PRETEND THERE'S A POSITIVE FORCE FIELD
INVISIBLE, BUT CAN'T BE SWAYED BY BAD VIEWS

SOMEDAY TEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE
HISTORY WILL HAVE HAD ITS WAY

NO MATTER WHAT THE NOW SITUATION
TIME WILL WASH ITS FEET OF CLAY

WHAT STICKS IN THE BOOK IS A HISTORY
PERHAPS OF DESPAIR, AND BAD TIMES

WHAT STICKS IN OUR MEMORY SHOULD BE
WHAT THAT FORCE FIELD KEPT AS SUBLIME.
By Mary Jo J.