On NPR's All Things Considered...
They were talking about a writing contest for a short story [600 words or less] in which the first sentence has to be, "The nurse left work at five o'clock..." Being a nurse, that would have been either a few hours after the first shift ended or a few hours into the second shift. I tried my hand at writing something out of my experience of being a 3 p.m. through 11 p.m. nurse, but it was too negative, so something contrary and fun occurred to me. I'd heard that it is bad writing to write with too many clichés, so I looked up a website that had every saying you could think of, and constructed the following... Which I will NOT submit for their stiff rules against any plagiarism.We will call this piece,
THE NURSE LEFT WORK AT FIVE O'CLOCK:
The nurse left work at five o'clock. Most of the patients would just pull at her heartstrings. But she felt like they were draining the life out of her. She was on an emotional roller coaster. When she got this job she thought she had found her niche in life; now she could see the handwriting on the wall. There was no place for her here. Heaven help her if she stayed, as the powers that be had a heart of stone. Though into each life some rain must fall, her theory was to put up her umbrella once it started. She left work just two hours into her shift. She felt she was abandoning ship, but, too long had she thought she was between a rock and a hard place, and this was her chance to leap before she looked... to toss her cares to the wind. She felt like something was hanging over her head. The shift nurses seemed to do nothing but to air their dirty laundry. They were gunning for a scapegoat, and Beth didn't want to be the goat.
If she stayed at work any longer it would have been like waiting for the other shoe to drop. She figured she'd bite the bullet and quit before being fired. Earlier, when she awoke that morning to smell the coffee, she also realized she never had stopped to smell the roses. Her time was running out. It had taken a toll on her. She had been waiting for her ship to come in, and now she was just waiting for a bus in the rain. The bus arrived, rattling like an empty truck. The driver looked like he never met a doughnut he didn't like. He drove his bus with the theory that slow and steady wins the race. He knew his route like the back of his hand, and knew what stop was hers without her having to signal. Her house was only a stone's throw away from the curb. That was nice, as her feet felt like those of a cat on a hot tin roof. She couldn't wait to get off her feet and start her new occupation of being a couch potato.
Weeks later Beth realized that she had missed the boat, and that today was the first day for the rest of her life, and there is no time like the present to strike while the iron is hot. There was more to life than meets the eye. In never putting off to tomorrow what she could do today, Beth decided to take her savings and travel.
She knew that the rolling stone gathered no moss and booked a ride on a slow boat to China. However, once she was aboard ship, she realized she had nothing to write home about. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so she got off at the first stop to lead a life of adventure. What a wake up call. Soon she was having more fun than a barrel of monkeys. She felt great about sowing her wild oats, and decided it would be a cold day in hell when she would ever return to the hum drum life she used to lead. Now the moral of the story was that life has got to be more than one cliché after another.
----------
Too bad, I'll never know if I would have won or NOT. ;-)
They were talking about a writing contest for a short story [600 words or less] in which the first sentence has to be, "The nurse left work at five o'clock..." Being a nurse, that would have been either a few hours after the first shift ended or a few hours into the second shift. I tried my hand at writing something out of my experience of being a 3 p.m. through 11 p.m. nurse, but it was too negative, so something contrary and fun occurred to me. I'd heard that it is bad writing to write with too many clichés, so I looked up a website that had every saying you could think of, and constructed the following... Which I will NOT submit for their stiff rules against any plagiarism.We will call this piece,
THE NURSE LEFT WORK AT FIVE O'CLOCK:
The nurse left work at five o'clock. Most of the patients would just pull at her heartstrings. But she felt like they were draining the life out of her. She was on an emotional roller coaster. When she got this job she thought she had found her niche in life; now she could see the handwriting on the wall. There was no place for her here. Heaven help her if she stayed, as the powers that be had a heart of stone. Though into each life some rain must fall, her theory was to put up her umbrella once it started. She left work just two hours into her shift. She felt she was abandoning ship, but, too long had she thought she was between a rock and a hard place, and this was her chance to leap before she looked... to toss her cares to the wind. She felt like something was hanging over her head. The shift nurses seemed to do nothing but to air their dirty laundry. They were gunning for a scapegoat, and Beth didn't want to be the goat.
If she stayed at work any longer it would have been like waiting for the other shoe to drop. She figured she'd bite the bullet and quit before being fired. Earlier, when she awoke that morning to smell the coffee, she also realized she never had stopped to smell the roses. Her time was running out. It had taken a toll on her. She had been waiting for her ship to come in, and now she was just waiting for a bus in the rain. The bus arrived, rattling like an empty truck. The driver looked like he never met a doughnut he didn't like. He drove his bus with the theory that slow and steady wins the race. He knew his route like the back of his hand, and knew what stop was hers without her having to signal. Her house was only a stone's throw away from the curb. That was nice, as her feet felt like those of a cat on a hot tin roof. She couldn't wait to get off her feet and start her new occupation of being a couch potato.
Weeks later Beth realized that she had missed the boat, and that today was the first day for the rest of her life, and there is no time like the present to strike while the iron is hot. There was more to life than meets the eye. In never putting off to tomorrow what she could do today, Beth decided to take her savings and travel.
She knew that the rolling stone gathered no moss and booked a ride on a slow boat to China. However, once she was aboard ship, she realized she had nothing to write home about. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so she got off at the first stop to lead a life of adventure. What a wake up call. Soon she was having more fun than a barrel of monkeys. She felt great about sowing her wild oats, and decided it would be a cold day in hell when she would ever return to the hum drum life she used to lead. Now the moral of the story was that life has got to be more than one cliché after another.
----------
Too bad, I'll never know if I would have won or NOT. ;-)
posted by Cranberry Jo @ 8/28/2009 04:06:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home