PAGES FROM MY JOURNAL

Sept 16th, 1995

It's a beautiful breezy day. I gave the cows branches of oak leaves gathered from my taking the dogs for a walk. I think the squirrels cut down the branches with their sharp front teeth, and then go to the ground to collect the acorns on them.

I'm reading Embraced by the Light. It's about what heaven is like, but it kind of scares me. I love the earth so much that it is difficult for me to imagine a life other than this one. It's not a good or bad way to be. It's just the way I am. I'm not one to tell the bereaved "She's in a better place." I don't think it helps anyway. We want our loved ones to be in our own world. It's just to vast a chasm between this world and the... wherever our souls go.

I love watching movies and good television... But I'm afraid that it's a waste of time, and inhibits my spirit's growth. Yet, I sometimes gain an understanding of human nature, and even some divine message through it. I only wish they had a situation comedy about someone my age who is still struggling with her purpose in life. [I feel the same about movies...] Much of the it had the texture and tenacity of real life. I guess I answered my own question. I just don't want life to pass me by while watching fiction, or stories of someone else. I want to be in step with real life, not standing back like an observer. Though I do volunteer work, I wonder if I should do more... or do less... Should I write? I have more questions than answers. Perhaps I'll find out eventually.

[6/13/09 So many years later, yet the above sounds like I could have written it yesterday. Oh, Well.]