THE 19TH PERSON

Hello to my few readers;

I just felt like sharing something I found on the web. I'd downloaded all their suggestions for helping me overcome something that has been bothering me all my adult life... and probably as a child as well. Figured it was about time... so, Googled this following website for DEALING WITH IMPATIENCE.

http://lifelearningtoday.com/2007/08/17/impatience-release-your-grip/

*I had sent a poem the other day, and in it I wrote of a Force Field.

Here is where I got it in the part of the article where they dealt with impatience with adults:

"Force Field. This may sound kooky, but I can tell you from firsthand experience dealing with some very difficult people, that this works. Here’s what you do: Imagine that you have a force field around you that shields you from negativity. We don’t have to absorb negativity. We don’t have to lock in and hook into it. Simply watch it, observe it like a balloon floating by. Just remember, don’t grab the string of that balloon!"

Almost as soon as I had printed the whole article and studied it, I found another use for the force field. I ran into one of those people that everyone bumps into, and if they're like me, we just feel bad about it. This person acted like she just really didn't like me. It's a known fact in therapy circles that if you have a group of acquaintances polled and out of 19, everyone who is asked if they like you, 18 reply that "Oh, yes, we love her", the one we will probably remember most and be most affected by is the 19th one... the one that said, "No, I can't stand her."

This day in which I met my 19th, was about a day after I'd read about the force field. I'd even talked about it with a lunch group with whom Tom and I meet with now every week up at the Stables in Montrose... probably about 12-14 people who I feel like me. Also I'd delivered Home Delivered Meals to 9 places where a few had a caretaker as well present... people whom I felt LIKED me.

After lunch I ran an errand and bumped into that "19th" person, and because of her attitude, became almost obsessive about trying to figure out why she reacted differently than just about everyone I had related to that day. I rationalized that "everyone doesn't have to like me." I thought I was okay about it, but the next morning in a slumber-sleep, I found myself dialogging with myself. I heard someone complimenting me and was downplaying it... like, "Am I really a good person?" and then along came the stumbling block... Number 19. I began to argue with whomever in my dream as to why this person would dislike me. And I realized that it was more than "impatience" in my life with which I needed to deal with. I have to accept those with whom I feel a vibe of negativity without feeling I have to somehow change their mind. It came to mind George Constanza's obsession with a woman who didn't like him with whom Jerry was seeing in one of the episodes of that TV show. He ignored everyone else in his life in trying to get this woman to like him. He could not stand the fact that someone didn't find him appealing in any way. So much energy was lost on a passion of trying to get the one person who dislike him to change her mind. It came to his exclaiming to Jerry, "I think I love her, Jerry!" We, the watchers, knew that it could not be so, but the obsession is a bit like a love obsession where one has a crush... only this crush is crushing the soul of the one obsessed. Meanwhile, the one who can't stand George... and in this case, "Me," goes on with her life per usual, not even thinking a second thing about it... unless it's "Boy, what a loser..."

So, today, folks, I am instilling that Force Field not so much with difficult people who annoy me... as few really do. It will be instilled from no on to shield me from the negativity that vibes from someone who just doesn't like me. And I'll be done with expending the little energy I have for such things on someone who not only does not deserve it, but really doesn't want me to expend even a smile from my lips.

The next suggestion in that article is the following:
"Avoidance. If you can, stay away or spend as little time as possible with negative people. When conflict arises with a difficult person, have a goal of moving forward as opposed to a goal of 'winning.'”

If George Constanza was a real person and a friend of mine, I would send this to him as well.

Just thought you guys would be interested. Thanks for all of your positive vibes. Love ya, Mary Jo

The Poem about the force field:

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE STOCK MARKET
I DON'T UNDERSTAND ETRADE

I DON'T UNDERSTAND OBAMA'S HEALTH PLAN
AND I'M SECRETLY ON A TIRADE

I WENT TO A SITE WITH A SUGGESTION
TO KEEP AWAY NEGATIVE NEWS

PRETEND THERE'S A POSITIVE FORCE FIELD
INVISIBLE, BUT CAN'T BE SWAYED BY BAD VIEWS

SOMEDAY TEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE
HISTORY WILL HAVE HAD ITS WAY

NO MATTER WHAT THE NOW SITUATION
TIME WILL WASH ITS FEET OF CLAY

WHAT STICKS IN THE BOOK IS A HISTORY
PERHAPS OF DESPAIR, AND BAD TIMES

WHAT STICKS IN OUR MEMORY SHOULD BE
WHAT THAT FORCE FIELD KEPT AS SUBLIME.
By Mary Jo J.

COMPLAINTS OF A MALE LADYBUG

It really pisses me off when they call us all "Ladybugs." I'm a man bug and proud of it.

All winter long I've been in and out of hibernation in a house in Silver Lake, PA. I was flying about in the great outdoors last Fall, and suddenly, BOOM! I flew smack-dab onto an open door. This was Late Fall, which I like to Capitalize, as it's an important Season for us Bugs, as we need some warm place to hibernate. We don't have Holidays, like people... in fact, we are NOTHING like people, so I can Capitalize wherever I damn please. In the Fall we must find a safe place in which to hibernate.

Anyhow... (I say that a lot too) I bumbled about the house, and landed on a h-u-m-u-n-g-o-u-s trophy of a MOOSE head that had been securely anchored to the wall over their TV set. Don't ask how I knew what it was. Instinct, I guess. It wasn't like a live one or even a dead one... It was a mounted one; I found out the hard way when I tried to crawl up a vacant nostril to hibernate, there was no inside where I could go. I flew way up above the moose head, and settled for a corner of the center beam of the cathedral ceiling of the house, snuggled in with a whole bunch of strangers, all with that dratted "Lady" name whether female or not.

A truth not talked about much between L-bugs (can't stand that feminine first name) is that not all of us live through the winter. One to the left eventually dropped dead, then one to the right. I lost my hold on my place in the corner and dropped to the floor behind the TV. It doesn't hurt us to fall like that, but it was a rude awakening.

I crawled along until I saw much light from the very same door I had entered that very warm day in late AUTUMN... (...or Fall, the only season for which humans also have another name .. They puzzle me in so many ways). Us L-bugs just bumble about throughout our lives, and if we just happen to run into somewhere to hibernate, fine! We do it there. When we need something to drink and eat, and run it while bumbling about, that's great too! I ran into a glob of melting snow that a dog tracked in. I had a refreshing drink ( a much needed thing when awakening, even temporarily, from a hibernation). Then I flew about the house and ended up on the countertop. A great place to get food, except when you mistake their sugar substitute for the real thing. "Fool me once, and shame on you. Fool me twice and shame on me," as one of your human sayings go. A common mistake for a sleepy L-bug awakening during the winter, is getting on something round. A friend of mine once circled the rim of a mug for hours, all the time thinking he was getting someplace. The dummy.

On the counter during my mid-winter break, I ran into some coffee. It must have been decaf, with creamer and sugar, as it was quite satisfying. Boy, does the caffeinated kind do a number on us. Another L-bug drank some and flew like crazy, crash landed, and died on the spot. Another friend that was bumbling about had an even worse fate. He crawled up into the coffee maker and found a great resting spot between the filter and the basket of the maker. Then, in the morning, when the Head of the House turned on the pot, the poor bug--I hope he didn't suffer much. The man and wife wondered why the coffee had an "off flavor" that day. After all, they'd set it up the same way each evening. ...We aren't too flavorful. We have a bit of the musky odor about our being that would come out especially when boiling water is being dripped on you. That odor also protects us from other bugs eating us. I know, it sounds cannibalistic, and we don't sound advanced, but after all, you eat animal meat. I guess it's for the same reason that you don't eat skunks.

We don't fear death, but naturally we don't like being hurt or having to suffer. What hurts most is being damaged. The worst thing in my opinion is the vacuum. It has been told that it does us no harm, but think about it: Bring rolled into its brushes while being sucked up at the same time by the upright vac, and bumbled through it's inner hose, and dumped haphazardly into a bag of dust... Excuse me, but a big ACHOO to that!

That's what just happened to me. I'm texting you from a very dark spot. Now, don't be surprised that we can text. Look how advanced we are. We look like tiny Volkswagens, and, yet, we can open our exterior shell, and fly like a very tiny bumble bee. But think about it. Then when we land, we pull in our flexible wings, and then cover them with our "VW" like exterior. You can't even do that with your new hybrid cars. You guys are so behind the times it's ridiculous! Well, I'm done texting. Right now I'm just trying to gain some purchase on the inside of this vacuum bag so I can begin to hunt for the hole and go out into that living room to hibernate a little longer. I'll wait until a warm day in spring to find my way outdoors again.

I need to get outside in time for Mating Season. That's the closest thing to a Holiday with a capital "H" for us.

Meanwhile, like I say it's "ACHOO!" from the inside of a vacuum on a trip I never wanted to take!